if i ever tell you that something is my favorite song dont listen to me im a fucking liar i have more favorite songs than there are babies in china
dont judge me for things i did a few seconds ago ive changed since then
My attraction to a stranger is like a dragon fly —
usually within 24 hours,
At the party I cut the first slice of cake
thinking about how I would prove
‘moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips.’ theory wrong.
Most of the dust particles in your house are made up of dead skin.
I must have shed myself a thousand times in front of you,
during those six months.
Your body contains over 60,000 miles of blood vessels,
tell that to any snotty nosed kid who says you’re not a functioning work of art.
Every time you lick a stamp you’re consuming 1/10th of a calorie.
consumed 6/10th’s sending you letters.
My mother always taught me to
“play my cards close to my chest.”
If I win the lottery there will be a 27% chance
that the ticket will be in my bra.
Suffering from travel sickness in the back of the car,
I held a paper bag to my mouth and exhaled my lungs inside it for
When I popped the crisp, brown paper between my hands,
it burst from the pressure the same way lungs do —
when a person falls 220ft
hitting the surface of San Francisco Bay.
Vincent Van Gogh cut his ear off out of frustration.
I’ve started hiding all the razor blades to prevent you from seeking a similar outlet.
I need to speak to Aphrodite for a few lessons in love,
before I become immersed in a pan of scalding hot water,
serving myself up, lobster red on a platter.
Since I’ve heard that the only way to a man’s heart these days is
‘through his stomach.’
I’ve been eating carrots for a week straight,
and I still can’t see in the dark properly without a flash light.
He was able to undo my bra in less
than 60 seconds.
I didn’t consider that an achievement,
because being unwrapped like candy in a confectionary store didn’t give me a sugar rush.
I told him to leave before he even tampered below my waist,
only because I knew there was a 58% chance
I would regret this in the morning.
that if I look to the left whilst telling you something,
I’m lying —
but what they don’t tell you is it’s pretty damn hard
to look someone in their eyes when the heart you’re breaking